10:35 at night, David Mamet and an in demand liquor store

May 9, 2020
10:35pm
On the condo porch




We’re in the middle of a mini heatwave here while California and New York are having snowstorms in the midst of May. The clouds are rolling in just enough to obscure the stars and keep me from truly enjoying the night sky. I have the David Mamet film “State and Main” playing on the screen, desperate for some inspiration to flow through my fingers.




I haven’t written anything in nearly two months and haven’t posted to my blog since the middle of February. I’m not sure if that’s me neglecting the blog or if it means I’m neglecting a piece of myself. I don’t really see my blog as an extension of myself but I do know that if I don’t express myself somehow it builds up and I get emotionally blocked.




(two raccoons just walked down the fenceline, one after the other, skulking along)




Sarah Jessica Parker is talking about how a particular scene wirtten for the film inside the film is the reason she chose to take the part. Her need to fulfill that need within is how I’m feeling right now.




(cars are coming and going as fast as possible into and out of the parkling lot, desperate to catch the liquor store before it closes for the night.)




I’m not really sure that it matters what it is that I write but at the very least, getting to put something on a hard drive and put it out for my one or two readers is as close as I can get to therapy in this time of pandemic and social isolation.




(why do people seem to think that this minimal amount of traffic is an excuse to speed down the road far above the the speed limit)




I can’t afford any one on one therapy, even if it’s online, not that I have the privacy needed for such things here, and group therapy is obviously cancelled. I have to talk with someone, anyone who might understand what it is that I’m going through. It isn’t that I feel lost and alone.




It’s that I am lost and alone and yet due to living with my mother I can’t even be alone in my solitude.




(pine cones are falling sporadically from the trees beside me, hitting branches on their way down)




David Mamet really is the king of foreshadowing. He drops it in little hints and never hits you over the head with them. Yet each flows and sets up the next scene, the next piece of action or conflict. If you’ve never seen “State and Main” I can recommend it, especially if you are a fan of how films are built from the ground up.




This blog post is pointless. I’m just trying to survive and I hope this helps.




(the liquor store has been closed for over a half an hour and people are still pulling up to it, swearing when they realize they are out of luck.)